How to Choose Godparents A Modern Guide

Choosing the right godparents isn't just about picking your best friend or closest sibling. It's about deciding what you truly want that role to be for your child. Are you looking for a spiritual guide? A backup guardian? Or a lifelong mentor and friend?

Before you even think of names, you need a clear "job description." Nailing this down first makes the whole process so much easier because it gives you a roadmap. It helps you balance timeless religious traditions with what your modern family actually needs.

What a Modern Godparent Actually Does

Let's be honest, the idea of a godparent has changed a lot. It’s no longer just an honorary title for someone who shows up at the baptism and sends a birthday card every year. The role has evolved, blending deep spiritual responsibility with a genuine, personal connection.

Today's godparent is a unique mix of guide, mentor, and cheerleader for your child. It’s a role that really should be tailored to fit your family’s specific values. So, before you start making a list of potential candidates, sit down with your partner and get crystal clear on what you’re both looking for.

What's Your Priority?

Is your main goal finding someone who will actively nurture your child's faith journey? This person would be a spiritual role model, someone who can talk about the big questions and help your child feel connected to their faith community. Their primary job is spiritual mentorship, which is a huge part of learning https://littleventureco.com/blogs/blog/how-to-raise-godly-children.

Or maybe you’re thinking more practically. You might be looking for that reliable, loving person who will be there for soccer games, school plays, and the inevitable tough times. A trusted adult your kid can always turn to for a listening ear or a bit of advice.

For many of us, the ideal godparent is a little of both. They're someone who not only shares your core values but is also genuinely committed to being a positive, active influence in your child's life.

One of the biggest myths out there is that godparents automatically become legal guardians if something happens to you. That's not true. The role is spiritual and relational unless you legally name them as guardians in your will.

The Role Then and Now

The way we think about godparenting has shifted as our idea of "the village" has changed. Historically, the role was a safety net—someone to ensure a child's religious upbringing if the parents passed away. The modern view, however, is much more about enriching a child's life while the parents are right there alongside them.

Think of it as choosing a special, honorary aunt or uncle. They're there to complement your parenting, offer a different perspective, and provide an extra layer of love and support as your child grows.

Let's break down the modern responsibilities in a quick table.

Modern Godparent Role Expectations at a Glance

This table can help you and your partner pinpoint what's most important to you as you define the role for your family.

Area of Responsibility	Traditional Role	Modern Interpretation & Examples
Spiritual Guidance	Ensure child is raised in the faith if parents die.	Actively models faith, celebrates religious milestones (like First Communion), prays for the child, answers spiritual questions.
Practical Support	N/A	Shows up for big events (birthdays, recitals), babysits occasionally, offers a listening ear during teen years, acts as a trusted adult confidant.
Mentorship	N/A	Shares life advice, provides a positive example, helps with homework, offers career guidance down the road.
Emotional Connection	Be a loving figurehead.	Builds a genuine, lasting bond. Becomes an integral part of the child's life and a friend to the entire family.

Thinking through these areas helps you move beyond just "who do we like the most?" and into "who is truly the best fit for this important role?"

By creating this "job description," you’re not just making a list of duties. You are thoughtfully mapping out a relationship that will bless your child for years to come. Getting this clarity is truly the most important first step you can take.

Creating Your Shortlist of Potential Godparents

Okay, you’ve hammered out what being a godparent really means for your family. Now for the exciting part—dreaming up who could fill those very special shoes. This isn’t about finding a perfect person, because spoiler alert: they don’t exist. It’s about finding the right person whose life will beautifully intersect with your child’s.

We’re moving from the abstract idea to a real, tangible list of people you love and admire. The goal is to be thoughtful here, looking beyond the most obvious choices to see who truly clicks with your family's heart and values.

Moving Beyond the Obvious Choices

First things first, let your mind wander. Jot down every single person who comes to mind—siblings, cousins, that friend from college who just gets you, a mentor from church, even that incredibly kind neighbor who always asks how you’re doing. No editing yet! Just get all the possibilities out there.

Think about the people who are already showing up for you. Who checks in? Who remembers the little things? Someone’s genuine interest in your life right now is a pretty solid indicator of how they’ll show up for your child later.

It’s completely natural to lean towards family, and for many, that’s the perfect fit. In fact, trends in Western Europe show a massive preference for relatives. In Italy, a whopping 86% of godfathers are family, and in France, it’s 88%. It makes sense—family comes with a built-in connection. You can actually read more about these social dynamics in this insightful paper.

But don’t let family obligation be the only thing guiding your pen. Your most spiritually grounded friend might be a far better match for the role you’ve envisioned than a sibling who, while loved, isn’t on the same page. The key is to weigh everything with intention.

Key Qualities to Evaluate

Now, look at your big list of names. Start to gently filter it by considering a few key qualities. This is how you can thoughtfully compare, say, your super-dependable brother with your deeply faithful childhood bestie.

Here are a few things I always tell parents to think about:

• Shared Core Values: Do they see the world through a similar lens? You don’t have to agree on politics or parenting styles, but the big stuff—kindness, integrity, faith—should feel aligned.
• Active Presence: Are they someone who will actually make an effort? This isn’t just about living in the same zip code. A friend who lives states away but schedules regular video calls can be way more “present” than a local relative who’s always too busy to stop by.
• Spiritual Maturity: If a faith-filled guide is your top priority, take a moment to consider their own spiritual walk. Is it authentic? This has less to do with perfect church attendance and more to do with a real, lived-out relationship with God they can model for your child.
• Relational Stability: Is this person a rock in your own life? The godparent role is a marathon, not a sprint. You want to choose someone you know will be there through all of life’s messy and beautiful seasons.

Pro-Tip: Fast forward 15 years. Imagine your child is a teenager who needs advice but doesn't want to talk to you. Who on your list would they feel safe calling? That person often has the wisdom and trustworthiness you're looking for.

Asking the Tough Questions

Alright, let’s get real. Once you have your top two or three candidates, it’s time to play out a few scenarios. Be brutally honest with yourself—your child’s future is what matters here.

Scenario 1: The Long-Distance Best Friend
Your best friend is amazing. She shares your faith, and you two talk on the phone every single week... but she lives across the country.

• The Question: Realistically, can she build a meaningful, tangible bond with my child that goes beyond FaceTime and birthday packages?
• The Consideration: A long-distance godparent can be incredible, but it takes serious commitment. If she’s the type to plan visits and be a consistent virtual presence, the miles might not matter as much as you think.

Scenario 2: The Beloved Sibling Who Isn't Religious
Your brother is your hero. He's loyal, loving, and you know he'll be the world's greatest uncle. But he doesn't share your faith.

• The Question: Can he support the spiritual hopes we have for this role, even if he doesn’t personally practice them?
• The Consideration: If your main goal is a loving mentor and emergency contact, he’s perfect. If a spiritual guide is non-negotiable, you might need to think again—or see if your church has an option for a "Christian witness" to serve alongside a baptized godparent.

Asking these kinds of questions helps you see the full picture, both the potential hurdles and the beautiful possibilities. As you reflect, you might also find peace by reading through some Bible verses for new parents to keep your heart focused on the "why" behind this whole process.

Slowly but surely, as you weigh these factors, your long list will naturally shrink down to the one or two people who feel just right for this incredible honor.

Handling Church Rules and Family Politics

Picking godparents should be a joyful thing, all about choosing someone you love and trust. But let's be honest, this is often where things get complicated. You’re suddenly faced with two major hurdles: navigating the specific rules of your church and managing the expectations of your (usually) well-meaning family.

The trick to getting through it all is to be prepared. When you know the rules and have a game plan for those delicate conversations, you can stick to your guns and choose the right person for your child, all while keeping the peace.

This decision tree can help you visualize the core factors when choosing godparents, balancing personal connection with practical considerations.

Think of this as a reminder to keep shared values, genuine interest, and a real-world connection at the heart of your choice.

Understanding the Church Requirements

Before you get your heart set on someone, the very first step is to figure out the official rules of your church. These aren't just gentle suggestions—they're often non-negotiable requirements for the baptism or christening to even happen. Trust me, finding this out last minute is a special kind of stress you don't need.

Lots of parents are caught off guard when they realize their top pick isn't actually eligible. For instance, here are a few common requirements you might run into:

• Being a Confirmed Member: The Roman Catholic Church, for example, typically requires at least one godparent to be a confirmed Catholic who is actively practicing their faith. This usually means they've been baptized and have received their First Communion and Confirmation.
• Age and Maturity: Most denominations set an age minimum, often 16 years or older, to make sure the person fully understands the promise they're making.
• Christian Denomination: Some churches will allow a baptized Christian from another denomination to act as a "Christian Witness." They can stand with you during the ceremony, but they can't be the sole godparent.

These rules can vary quite a bit. The Catholic Church allows for up to two godparents (one male, one female), while the Orthodox Church often requires godparents to be in good standing. It’s always best to call your parish office and ask for their specific guidelines in writing.

What If Your Top Pick Doesn't Qualify?
First off, don't panic. If your best friend or sibling doesn't meet the church's criteria, it doesn't diminish their importance. You can ask them to be an "honorary godparent" or a special mentor in your child's life. Explain that while they can't officially stand at the altar, their role is just as vital to you and your family.

Navigating Family Dynamics and Expectations

Okay, now for the other big one: family politics. It’s that unspoken pressure from your mom that you’ll pick your sister, or the casual assumption from your in-laws that their brother is the only logical choice. These expectations almost always come from a place of love, but they can make a personal decision feel incredibly complicated.

The most important thing you can do here is get on the same page with your partner. Make the decision together, and then communicate it as a team. This simple step prevents anyone from trying to pull one of you aside to change your mind.

As you work through this, you might find it helpful to look into rethinking family traditions and building meaningful rituals for modern life. It can give you a great perspective on how to honor your family's history while still making choices that feel right for your new family.

Here are a couple of common scenarios and how to handle them with grace.

Scenario One: The Gentle Letdown

You’ve decided not to ask a close relative who was clearly expecting to be chosen. The goal is to let them down easy while reaffirming how important they are.

• What to Say: "We love you so much and are beyond excited for you to be the most amazing aunt/uncle to our baby. When it came to godparents, we felt a really strong pull toward [Name] for this specific spiritual role. Your role as family is forever, and that's the most important thing to us."

Scenario Two: Facing Outside Pressure

A parent or in-law is really pushing for their preferred candidate. You want to be respectful, but you also need to hold your ground.

• What to Say: "We really appreciate the suggestion, and we know you just want what’s best for the baby. We’ve put a ton of thought into this together and have decided to ask [Name]. We feel really good about our choice and hope you can support us in it."

At the end of the day, this is your and your partner's decision. While it’s always wise to be sensitive to the feelings of your loved ones, you have to choose the people you believe will truly be there for your child. By being thoughtful and clear in your communication, you can navigate these tricky waters with confidence.

How to Ask Someone to Be a Godparent

You’ve done all the soul-searching and list-making, and you’ve finally landed on the perfect person. Awesome! Now for the really fun part—actually asking them to be your child’s godparent.

This isn't just another question. It's a genuine invitation to play a huge role in your family's life for years to come. You can make the moment special without some over-the-top, grand gesture. Whether it's a simple, face-to-face chat or a creative "godparent proposal," what truly matters is that your sincerity shines through.

Setting the Stage for the Conversation

Think about timing and setting. If you can, it’s always best to ask them in person. Find a relaxed spot where you won’t feel rushed or get interrupted. A quiet coffee shop or a cozy chat in your living room will feel much more personal than, say, shouting over the noise at a family barbecue.

This definitely isn't a conversation for a quick text. You want to honor the significance of the request by giving it the focus it deserves. It’s a good idea to give them a heads-up, maybe saying something like, "Hey, we have something really special we'd love to talk with you about when you have a free moment."

What to Say and How to Say It

When you finally sit down to talk, start by telling them why you chose them. Seriously, this is your chance to really affirm what they mean to you. Get specific! Don't just say, "We think you'd be a great godparent."

Instead, try something that comes from the heart:

• "We've been thinking so much about who we want as spiritual guides for our baby, and your name was always at the very top of our list. The way you live your faith is such an inspiration to us."
• "You're one of the most loving and dependable people we know. We would be absolutely honored if you would consider being our child’s godparent."
• "We're looking for someone who will be a constant, supportive presence in our little one's life as they grow, and we honestly couldn't imagine anyone better for that than you."

After you’ve shared your feelings, it’s time to gently lay out what you envision the role to be. Be open about your expectations—whether that means praying for your child, showing up for big milestones, or simply being that trusted adult they can always turn to.

The most important thing? Give them an easy, guilt-free out. End your conversation with something like this: "There is absolutely zero pressure. Please take all the time you need to think and pray about it. Our friendship is what matters most, no matter what you decide."

That one simple sentence changes everything. It turns a potential demand into a true invitation and shows that you respect them and understand the weight of the commitment.

Making the Moment Memorable with a Gift

While the conversation is what truly counts, adding a thoughtful gift can make the moment feel even more special. It's a tangible way to say "thank you" and kick off this beautiful new relationship. You don't have to break the bank; it’s the gesture that matters.

• A heartfelt card: Take the time to write down exactly why you chose them and what your hopes are for their relationship with your child.
• A faith-based keepsake: Think about a beautiful cross necklace or maybe a custom piece of art with a meaningful Bible verse. To really capture the deep meaning of the role, you could present them with one of these sentimental and personalized jewelry gifts as a beautiful token of your invitation.
• A "Godparent Proposal" Box: This is a fun one. Put together a little box with a few sweet items, like a framed ultrasound photo, their favorite candy, and maybe a cute "God's Little Blessing" onesie.

Combining your heartfelt words with a small token of your appreciation helps create a lasting memory. For even more great ideas, check out our guide to thoughtful Christian baby gifts.

Ultimately, asking someone to be a godparent is a huge act of love and trust. When you approach it with sincerity and care, you’re not just asking a question—you’re laying the foundation for a precious, lifelong bond.

Your Godparent Selection Checklist

Alright, we’ve talked through a ton—from what a godparent really is today to how to handle those delicate family conversations. It can feel like a lot to keep in your head, right? Now it's time to bring it all together and turn that mental overload into a clear, simple plan.

To make it even easier, we've put together a tool to help you organize your thoughts and see your best options laid out right in front of you. This isn’t about finding a "perfect" person with a perfect score. It's about giving you the confidence that you’ve thought through every angle before you ask someone to take on this incredible role.

Breaking Down Your Decision

The heart of making a good choice is comparing your top candidates against what truly matters to your family. This moves the decision from just a "gut feeling" to a more thoughtful, intentional process.

You’ll want to look at a few key areas for each person you're considering:

• Shared Values & Beliefs: Do they see the world in a similar way you do? This is the bedrock of the spiritual and moral guidance they'll offer.
• Active Faith Journey: How do they actually live out their faith? You're looking for genuine effort, not perfection.
• Reliability & Involvement: Will they show up? Will they make a real effort to be a consistent presence, whether they live down the street or across the country?
• Strong Relationship with You: A solid, trusting bond with you as the parents is the bridge to a lasting connection with your child.

A great way to do this is to give each person a score from 1 to 5 in these areas. It helps you take a step back and look at the big picture, and it’s an amazing conversation starter if you and your partner are trying to get on the same page.

Introducing the Godparent Candidate Evaluation Matrix

To put this idea into practice, here's a simple matrix you can print and use. Just fill in your top contenders and score them honestly. It’s a fantastic way to visualize who best aligns with your hopes for your child's spiritual mentor.

Godparent Candidate Evaluation Matrix

Candidate Name	Shared Values (1-5)	Active in Faith (1-5)	Reliability & Involvement (1-5)	Relationship with Parents (1-5)	Total Score
e.g., Aunt Sarah	5	4	5	5	19
e.g., Best Friend Mike	4	5	3	5	17

After you've filled it out, the "Total Score" can be a real eye-opener! It doesn't have to be the only thing you consider, but it sure helps clarify your thoughts.

Keeping Track of the Little Details

Beyond just comparing people, there are a few practical things to manage. Let's be honest, the last thing any new or expecting parent needs is more stress from disorganized details.

Our full printable checklist has dedicated space for these logistics. You’ll find spots to track:

• Church Requirements: A place to jot down those specific rules from your parish or pastor—like needing to be confirmed or over a certain age—so you don’t forget.
• Conversation Planner: A little guide to help you plan out "the big ask." It gives you prompts for what you want to say and how you want to frame your expectations.

Think of it as your command center for choosing godparents. It helps you feel prepared and intentional, from your first brainstorm to that final, joyful conversation.

Ready to pull it all together? We’ve put everything into a single, easy-to-use resource for you.

[Click here to download your free Godparent Selection Checklist now!]

This printable is the perfect way to turn all the advice in this guide into a real action plan, helping you make your final choice with total peace of mind.

Common Questions We Get About Choosing Godparents

So, you've made your lists, dodged the family-drama landmines, and are getting close to a decision. It's totally normal if you still have a few nagging questions rattling around in your head. This is a huge decision, and thinking through every angle is just smart parenting.

Let's walk through some of the most common questions that come up right at the finish line. Getting these sorted can give you that final bit of confidence and peace.

"Does a Godparent Have to Be Religious?"

This is probably the number one question we hear, and the honest answer is: it depends on your ceremony. If you're planning a traditional baptism in a specific church, then yes, there will likely be rules. The Catholic Church, for example, requires at least one godparent to be a confirmed, practicing Catholic.

But a lot of other denominations are much more flexible. They might allow a non-religious person to stand up as a "Christian witness" or "sponsor" next to a baptized godparent. It's a beautiful way to include someone important without bending official church doctrine.

And if you aren't planning a religious ceremony at all? You have complete freedom! The most important thing is to be upfront about what you're looking for. If you're prioritizing a loving mentor over a spiritual guide, choosing someone for their character and support, regardless of their faith, is a wonderful choice.

"What If They Say No?"

Okay, let's be real—a "no" would sting a little. But try to remember that it's a perfectly valid answer. Being a godparent is a serious commitment of time, heart, and energy, and someone might decline for very good reasons.

Maybe they live too far away to be truly present, are feeling overwhelmed with their own commitments, or they honestly don't feel they can live up to the special role you're offering. A thoughtful "no" is always, always better than a half-hearted "yes."

Our Best Advice: When you ask, make it a no-pressure situation. Give them an easy, graceful out. Try saying something like, “We’d be so honored, but please take all the time you need to think about it. Our friendship is what matters most, no matter what you decide.”

If they do decline, thank them for their honesty and turn to the next person on your list. You want someone who is genuinely excited and all-in.

"Do Godparents Have Legal Rights?"

This is a critical distinction every parent needs to understand. The role of a godparent is symbolic and spiritual, not legal. In most places, like the U.S. and Canada, being named a godparent does not automatically make them your child's legal guardian if something were to happen to you.

If you want your child's godparents to also serve as their legal guardians, that's a completely separate process. You must officially name them in a formal, legally binding will. This requires a much deeper conversation and a serious commitment from them. Make sure you clarify this distinction when you ask, so everyone is on the same page about what they're agreeing to.

"How Many Godparents Can We Have?"

The "right" number really depends on your tradition and what feels right for your family. Some churches have specific guidelines:

• The Catholic Church: Traditionally, you have two godparents—one male and one female.
• Anglican/Episcopal Tradition: Often suggests three—two of the same sex as the child and one of the opposite.

But outside of these formal structures, more and more modern families are choosing to build a bigger "village." It’s not uncommon to see three, four, or even more people honored with the title of godparent. If your church or ceremony is flexible, the choice is completely up to you. The goal is to surround your child with people who will show up for them, not just to hit a specific number.

As you mull over these final details, taking a moment for quiet reflection can bring so much clarity. If you're looking for a little guidance, you might find some comfort in this prayer for new parents.

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